Top 10 Best/Underrated Moments in Seinfeld History

As a psychotic and pseudo-teacher (three of us teach a DeCal at Berkeley) of Seinfeld, I only found it natural to create a top ten list of the best/perhaps most underrated scenes/dialogues from one of the greatest sitcoms in the history of television. When considering the following, I imagine that most of you are incredibly familiar with Seinfeld, and so most of you would actually visualize the scene from which these quotes and dialogue come from. I think that's what makes these funny, and so, I won't give a background of each scene, as I assume that most of you know the stories to each of the episodes listed. While you're at it, I recommend reading the text we used for our class, The Philosophy of Seinfeld, edited by William Irwin.



10.) From "The Fire" in Season 5:

KRAMER: Well, after he heckled Toby, she got so upset, she ran out of the building and a street sweeper ran over her foot and severed her pinky toe.

GEORGE: That's unbelievable!

KRAMER: Yeah! Then after the ambulance left, I found the toe! So I put it in a Cracker Jack box, filled it with ice, and took off for the hospital.

GEORGE: You ran?

KRAMER: No, I jumped on the bus. I told the driver, "I got a toe here, buddy - step on it."

GEORGE: Holy cow!

KRAMER: Yeah, yeah, then all of a sudden, this guy pulls out a gun. Well, I knew any delay is gonna cost her her pinky toe, so I got out of the seat and I started walking towards him. He says, "Where do you think you're going, Cracker Jack?" I said, "Well, I got a little prize for ya, buddy - " - knocked him out cold!

GEORGE: How could you do that?!

KRAMER: Then everybody is screamin,' because the driver, he's passed out from all the commotion...the bus is out of control! So, I grab him by the collar, I take him out of the seat, I get behind the wheel and now I'm drivin' the bus.

GEORGE: You're Batman.

KRAMER: Yeah. Yeah, I am Batman. Then the mugger, he comes too, and he starts chokin' me! So I'm fightin' him off with one hand and I kept drivin' the bus with the other, y'know? Then I managed to open up the door, and I kicked him out the door with my foot, you know - at the next stop.

JERRY: You kept makin' all the stops?

[Insane laughter and then a pause.]

KRAMER: Well, people kept ringin' the bell!

--

I still can't decide who is a better storyteller, Kramer or George. I think as far as stories go, George's "Marine Biologist" story and this Kramer story are the best. Kramer builds it up to such a point, and then Jerry realizes that Kramer made it more difficult for himself by making all the stops. I love it.

9.) From "The Susie" in Season 8:

GEORGE: [on tape, singing] "Believe it or not, George, isn't at home, please leave a mes-saaage at the beep. I must be out or I'd pick up the pho-one. Where could I be? Believe it or not, I'm not hooome." [beep]

--

This doesn't even need any elaboration. Absolutely hilarious how George tries anything to prevent getting dumped so that he can take his "girlfriend" to that Yankee ball.

8.) From "The Caddy" in Season 7:

FRANK: [from the answering machine] Jerry, it's Frank Costanza, Mr.
Steinbrenner is here, George is dead, call me back!

--

I love the terseness of Frank Costanza. Who would just say, "George is dead...call me back" on an answering machine? What's even more priceless is the next scene when Frank is actually upset with Steinbrenner's front office decisions rather than George's apparent death ("How could you trade Jay Buhner?").

7.) From "The Chinese Woman" in Season 6:

KRAMER: What would you say if I told you, "I never impregnated a woman"?

JERRY: Really? You never slipped one past the goalie in all these years?? Boy, I'm surprised. You've slept with a lot of women, I--

KRAMER: A lot of 'em! [wild gesture, freaked out] Do you think maybe I'm.. Depleted??!!

JERRY: Well, I'm sure you're not.. Totally Depleted.

KRAMER: Well, but what if I am? I'm the last male Kramer! We're facing extinction!

JERRY: Well, go to a fertility clinic. Have your sperm count checked.

KRAMER: Yeah, but then I'd have to.. well, you know.. into a cup? In the middle
of the day??

ELAINE: How does that conflict with your regular schedule?

--

This line was set up so perfectly. Plus when Kramer asks, "You think I"m depleted?" he has so much fear and anxiety in his voice.

6.) From "The Slicer" in Season 9:

[Elaine's hallway. Kramer and Elaine are sizing the space under the door.]

KRAMER: I think we are looking half a millimeter.

ELAINE: Can it cut that thin?

KRAMER: Oh, I've cut slices so thin, I couldn't even see them.

ELAINE: How did you know you cut it?

KRAMER: [visibly confused and scared] Well, I guess I just assumed.

--

Oh, what a moment. Kramer's apparent conviction is completely eradicated when he realizes he may have done something stupid. His expression of confusion and fear is incredible.

5.) From "The Abstinence" in Season 8:

[George and Yankees Derek Jeter and Bernie Williams are at the ballpark.]

GEORGE: Guys, hitting is not about muscle. It's simple physics. Calculate the velocity, v, in relation to the trajectory, t, in which g, gravity, of course remains a constant. [Hits a home run] It's not complicated.

JETER: Now who are you again?

GEORGE: George Costanza, assistant to the traveling secretary.

WILLIAMS: Are you the guy who put us in that Ramada in Milwaukee?

GEORGE: Do you wanna talk about hotels, or do you wanna win some ball games?

JETER: We won the World Series.

GEORGE: In six games.

--

Who would have ever thought that George would become smart? I love how he's saying such "technical" stuff to the Yankees' players, and how it seems like no one is ever satisfied with how well the Yankees do.

4.) From "The Marine Biologist" in Season 5:

[Kramer bangs into the room with his golf clubs]

KRAMER: Hey.

JERRY: Hey.

KRAMER: Hey ya want these (He throws down the golf clubs) I don't want em!

JERRY: What?

KRAMER: I stink! I can't play! The ball is just sitting there, Jerry, and I can't hit it! I only hit one really good ball that went way out!

JERRY: Well what happened?

KRAMER: I have no concentration!

[Kramer starts to scratch his body and rip his coat off]

JERRY: What, what, what's wrong with you?

KRAMER: Sand, I can get rid of the sand. [Looking down his shirt] Look there is still some in here, it won't go away! Look I even got sand in the pockets!

[He empties his pocket and tons of sand falls out; some sand somehow gets into Kramer's eye, at which point he violently reacts and falls to the ground]

--

This scene is ridiculously funny, as Kramer bursts into hysteria and pain after sand falls in his eye. It seems to go completely unnoticed too...

3.) From "The Little Kicks" in Season 8:

BRODY: [To Jerry] I'll expect that tape by three o'clock tomorrow. [To Kramer] May I borrow this? [Holding baseball bat]

KRAMER: Sure, do you need a glove?

BRODY: Nah.

--

This is such a great moment. The beauty about Seinfeld is how everything seems to be implied, though this implication is less subtle than most.

2.) From "The Postponement" in Season 7:

[Talking about postponing George's wedding]

GEORGE: March 21st. Hey! So, you're gonna back me on this, right?

JERRY: Oh, all the way.

GEORGE: You are a good friend. You know what? Even if you killed somebody I wouldn't turn you in.

JERRY: Is that so?

[Kramer walks in]

JERRY: Hey, Kramer if I killed somebody would you turn me in?

KRAMER: Definitely.

JERRY: You're kidding?

KRAMER: No, no, I would turn you in.

JERRY: You would turn me in?

KRAMER: Phwap, I wouldn't even think about it.

JERRY: I can't believe this; you're supposed to be a friend of mine.

KRAMER: Well, what kind of person are you going around killing people?

JERRY: Well, I am sure I had a good reason.

KRAMER: Well, if you'll kill this person, who's to say I wouldn't be next?

JERRY: But you know me!

KRAMER: I thought I did.

--

I feel like this is one of the most clever and well-written dialogues in Seinfeld.

1.) And the number one scene of all time from Seinfeld is....

From "The Contest" in Season 4:

[Kramer leaves the room after seeing a naked woman across the street]

ELAINE: Well, [Smiling] where's my money? Who caved?

JERRY: [Over his shoulder] Not me.

GEORGE: [Also, over his shoulder] Not me.

ELAINE: What're you looking at?

JERRY: There's a naked woman across the street.

ELAINE: [Smiling, chuckling] This is gonna be the easiest money I've ever made in my life. [Moving on to a new topic] So, my friend, Joyce, is teaching an aerobics class. I'm gonna go tonight.

JERRY: [Commenting] Yeah.. the - the waitress should've taken it back.

ELAINE: [Realizes Jerry and George aren't paying attention] So then, I got a call this morning. You know, I was, uh, chosen to go on the space shuttle. We're goin' to Mars.

JERRY: [Still staring at the woman] Uh-huh.

GEORGE: Have a good time.

[Kramer casually enters, takes a few step toward the kitchen, and slaps a wad of bills onto the counter]

KRAMER: [Declaring] I'm out!

[Kramer now has the attention of everyone in the room. Jerry's mouth is open in shock. A moment passes]

ELAINE: What?!

KRAMER: Yeah, I'm out - I'm out of the contest.

---

I think Kramer's facial expression is what makes this scene priceless.

Please comment on what you think the greatest moments are. I'd love to see everyone else's lists.

Ohio State, Productivity, and Break

After being at home for over two weeks, I've established a routine here, though it's not a particularly admirable one: I wake up around 10:30AM (surprisingly, I wake up later in Berkeley), eat, watch Sportscenter, play Playstation2 or Super Nintendo with my brother, run and lift (New Year's Resolution to start it up again after being dormant last semester), play more Playstation2 or Super Nintendo, watch Around the Horn and PTI, eat again, and then either go to my friend's house or go to a movie, then come back home around 12 or 1AM, go online for about an hour or two, and then go to sleep.

Shockingly I've actually stuck to that routine nearly to a fault. It's both good and bad. Thankfully, I'm maintaining my biological clock and not subjecting my body or my mind to anything out of the ordinary. What is not good is the content of my day. I've essentially lounged around, not stimulating my mind in any way. I've read articles about sports and the ongoing primaries and caucuses, tried to code this website (it's only HTML though, and some simple PHP), applied to all these companies for summer internships, and sent some administrative e-mails for CalEng, Seinfeld, and research stuff. Those legitimately have been the only productive things I've done. I'm glad I've had time to relax, but as much as I don't want to go back to school, this lifestyle is not healthy. I've effectively been useless and worthless.

On top of not challenging my mind, I've become a football junkie. This is no exaggeration. Football has been the only thing on my mind for the past week. Both NFL and college. Now that my Buckeyes have effectively destroyed their reputation as a national powerhouse and the Big Ten's image as an athletically powerful conference, I'm starting to realize that there might be more to life than football, but right now all I can do is sulk at OSU's performance by reading criticism from journalists across the nation. I have no other interest at this time apart from football.

I was so scared for the game last night because I started feeling like I knew too much about what would unfold; it's no joke when they say ignorance is bliss. I was analyzing LSU's playcalling; pulling Ron Jaworski tactics by "looking at the tape;" and reading articles from ESPN, SI, FSN, The New York Times and sports forums to see how my team was being disrespected. Ultimately OSU deserved to be disrespected, as evidenced by the beatdown last night. Not that LSU didn't play better than we did, but we killed ourselves as much/if not more than they killed us. Seven penalties for eighty-three yards. A dropped touchdown pass. Abandoning the run when it seemed to be working. Not adjusting the defensive strategy of doing zone when clearly LSU was dissecting it; no adjustment to man-to-man coverage was even hinted. But what the hell do I know? I'm no sportscaster. But this is what scares me. Now I feel like I'm more capable of being a sports broadcaster or journalist than I am an electrical engineer. I seriously need to reevaluate what I'm doing with my life before I start fantasizing about replacing Stuart Scott on the early morning Sportscenter.